Christmas .... Texas style

Yes, things are bigger in Texas, and the holidays are warmer and less snow-y than others in the country and you'll find brisket and tamales along with the holiday turkey and ham. In true Texas style, yesterday we were running the A/C and wearing shorts; tonight's low will be in the upper 20's and I'll be bringing in Max and covering my begonias :)..... I won't have it any other way!
 The cedar post fence in the front is decorated with lights and garland and our cowboy sports a Santa hat. My jolly "old man" has his camo hat to boot (sorry, no pun intended LOL).  Where ever you are, I wish you the best this holiday season - peace and joy and love.

why I love a Charlie Brown Christmas tree

I love having a real tree for the holidays! I know, I know, it can be a hassle - driving around searching for just the right tree; not too tall, not too expensive, etc etc. needles on the carpet, ruining your vacuum cleaner....but for me, ALL WORTH IT.
I remember watching the Charlie Brown Christmas year after year and each and every time, my eyes tear up; never fails. Along with How the Grinch Stole Christmas, they represent for me my childhood and the rejection of the materalization
In addition to a real tree, I am proud to announce that no two ornaments on the tree are alike - I've never had a store window perfectly matched ornaments/ribbons and I hope I never do. The ornaments are a timeline, a scrape book of our lives -  each one was a gift or was made or bought with a specific person in mind. We have classics like Rudolph hanging next to newcomers like Spongebob Square Pants and Dora the Explorer. Yes, I have a gold-painted-macaroni picture frame with Elora's picture from the 1st grade and a painted popsicle frame with Watson and Santa from 2005. I will hang them every year........

when Mommy is happy

Being a good parent is an all consuming occupation especially with the little ones whom you must watch every waking minute. Its a job with no pay or sick leave but it does get easier.... for a while then the teenage years hit and well, you're basically back to having to watch them every waking minute LOL Making time for yourself, and just as important, date time with your man, is a difficult task. But do not despair, things will ease up and a full night's sleep or a relaxing bubble bath will not just be a dream. I see many mothers that are so eager to have a break from their little ones and while I empathize, I also want to remind them that these years go by quickly and the babies grow so fast that it is a shame not to enjoy and appreciate what precious time we have with them...... SIGH, I wish I could find babysitters for all of them, for at least a little ME time because everyone knows that if Mommy is happy, the whole house is happy too!

a week of "FIRST"

Remember the good ol' days of Sesame Street and those characters we loved, you know like KERMIT the FROG? Well quite by accident the theme of my work space at my new job is FROGS. Its the first time I  have really had a "theme" but turns out that this week was full of FIRSTS :)

It was the FIRST time that I was not able to take my children to school and pick them up on the first day of school- in fact, I  had to leave so early for my first day of "school" that I didn't even take their picture. I'm kind of bummed about that since it was their first first day of school in San Antonio (January really didn't count as the school  year was half way finished).

I put up my FIRST bulletin board - whoo hoo! Equiped with helpful numbers and a list of teachers and aides - as I am still learning who everyone is.

My FIRST head lice inspection - one of the many joys of dealing with 3 and 4  year olds.

and finally, the funnest of my FIRSTs, the laminator! For now on, I will be encapuslating everything.

Survived my first week of Head Start as a new Parent Advocate.... looking forward to our FIRST holiday, Monday is Labor Day and I'm going to enjoy my three day weekend!

letting go.... "NO" yells the C.F. inside me

I worry - a lot, about all kinds of things from the most mundane (well to others they are mundane but to me, well its something important enough to use my precious energy on) to important stuff like the future of my children. I am SOOO not that little prayer, you know the one, the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, well those are MOST of all I worry about; of course things I can or could change I don't worry about because I can CHANGE THEM.  Having faith all will work out is NOT within my paradigm, not my point of view. I know its because of my underlying fault, the ugly monster living inside me, THE CONTROL FREAK. The problem with the demons that live inside of us is that they do not appear when we look into the mirror; its not like having a bad hair day - you look in the mirror and BAM there it is, right in front of your eyes, bad hair day. You know now its a bad hair day, you can now plan accordingly and NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT it anymore - in my case, I put my hair up and out the door I go. But the other thing, well  ............ I do believe killing vampires or surviving the zombie apocalyse would be easier than squashing the C.F. demon within. You'll hear about it if I ever win that battle.

what's a book worth anyway? to some, nothing

I recently was visiting at a school and the library was getting "remodeled"; cans of fresh paint and new blinds for the windows were on hand, ready to be utilized. I was shocked to find out however that all the "old" books had to go to make room for a whole new library of materials. Would the books be sold, given away to the students of the school, donated to Goodwill or some other deserving entity? NO, to my horror, the books were loaded into wheelbarrows and shopping carts then hauled away to the dumpster. The TRASH.... I am not lying when I say that it made me sick to my stomach.................. for two days in a row, after hearing of the planned fate of the books, I scanned the shelves for titles that would come home with me. I really wanted to offer to take ALL the books and donate them but it would take a week or more of multiple trips in my car for at least two weeks before the shelves would be clear. I thought of calling libraries, shelters, other schools who might be interested but alas, it was NOT my business; I had no authority to offer a solution other than the one already agreed upon. Some of the materials were outdated and really only good for recycling the paper from which they were made - these titles included computer software and programs no longer used and books on the world's "current" policy.  How many others could have benefitted from a book is hard to tell - something to passs the time while waiting for the doctor or dentist, something to bring distraction to a parent applying for help, a little something special to ease a child anxiety, etc;  For now, a few of the lucky ones will go home with me and find a special niche in my living room.  There they will be appreciated and treasured, read over and over again, some for  the "little" people but most for the adults..... okay, mostly for ME :)                                

I went walking today.... it just might rain!

Its been a long time since Max and I ventured out for a long walk and I found a perfect spot - the Lion's Park near our house is awesome! The walking/biking/running trails are in great shape and you have a choice of just looping around the "lake" or you can walk the Salado Creek Walkway. I choose the later and found it to be a serene walk in the midst of a large and very busy city. The sound of the birds, squirrels, and other small critters such as lizards scampering in the underbrush reminded me of our walks along the river in San Marcos. I realized today just how life-saving those walks were. OK, I know I  need the physical aspect of it but the mental and spiritual benefits are what I really craved. Its funny how I was feeling blah and wasn't even sure why but seeing the wild flowers, watching the birds, and just being outdoors with Max was invigorating. And the best part? Seeing all the great amenities the park has like covered pavilions; plenty of picnic areas with tables with trash cans (recently empties and clean) nearby and permanent grills; port-a-potties (which are good to have even if I avoid them like the plague); playground equipment for the little ones and shaded, covered benches to take a load off your feet while your running or walking the trail loop. And one of my favorite parts to all of this - PET FRIENDLY, or at least dog friendly. There are dispensers of Poop Mitts so you can clean up after  your dog and there is also a doggies fountain at the base of the water fountains! I had packed water and a bowl for Max and surprisingly didn't need it!. I am going back, like tomorrow - a big THANK YOU to the Lion's Club for this treasure. Also, there is a huge map of the area on display with the list of wildlife you might encounter.

Stress, my mortal enemy returns, with a vengenace

I have resorted to covering my body in menthol rub and ten blankets with a heating pad on my back in a futile attempt to "sweat" out the evil toxins that reside in my body. What I have been left with are smelly sheets and a bad hair day. I eat vitamin C drops like they are candy and have been religiously taking all my meds - if you know me, you know that I don't do ANYTHING religiously, like not even religion, that's how bad I feel. The worse part is my family suffers too - oh I get up every morning at the same time to make sure my little one gets on the bus and is fully dressed and I still make breakfast and dinner for my man - mostly; I still read a chapter of "Son of Neptune" every night, or at least until I cough up half a lung. SIGH everything hurts, even my teeth hurt! What's up with that?!?!?!? If my hair had feelings, it would hurt too...right now it just LOOKS like it hurts......
I have heard that stress wrecks havoc on one's immune system and how do you get rid of stress? I know the source of my stress and I just can't do anything about it - it must play itself out and nothing I can do will expedite the remedy. Curse you! Curse you, my mortal enemy stress! And may your minions be cursed as well!

my latest tattoo

this is my 3rd tattoo. like my other two, it is very dear to my heart and has deep spiritual meaning for me. on my journey through life, i have had both setbacks and wonderful revelations. for me the turtle represents both the new love of my life and a way of life. one may think of turtles as slow and boring but they are quite fast! have you ever tried to catch a red-eared slider in the river or a common snapping turtle in the grass? they are NOT slow. they are however, ancient creatures whose evolution matured quickly and which has changed little over thousands of years. they carry their home - shelter and skeletal - structure wherever they go so no matter what, they are at "home". there are myths throughout the world and through out time that describe the world as being carried on the back of a turtle. turtles are long living and are hatched as miniature versions of their adult selves - there is little change except for size. i want to be turtle -like in that i want to feel "at home" in my own skin and not dependent on others around me for my thoughts, feelings, and actions. i also want to be steadfast in my beliefs and duties. i want to "slow my roll" and think before i speak, before i act and before i lose myself again........

Really? I'm "too old" if I show ANY gray?

Bah humbug! I'm not falling for it - the media and commercials would have me believe that a gray hair (or two or three or heaven forbid, a headfull) automatically makes me unattractive, unemployable, too old to have fun, find love, etc. Well, you know what? That's a bunch of BS! And the actors in the commercials for hair color, especially for women, all look 25 or younger! The exception being Andy McDowell....

Kudos to Jaime Lee Curtis for going gray (although I hate the yogurt ads - why must we discuss EVERYTHING?!??!!) and for all the women who proudly wear their gray AND feel vibrant, loved, are employed and are having lots of fun. IMHO, it sure beats the two tone look or the blackest-black on the 70's crowd..... really now ladies, gray hair DOES NOT make you disposable and coloring your gray doesn't instantly make you any younger, loved, or let you have fun than you were having before.

i could have been watching "Swamp People"..

So i am still not working full time. Daytime tv has become my teacher and friend, my warden and lover. LOL i just saw some bitch get her ass kicked! Really, her face was pulverized. She started the whole thing then goes to "calm down" at the hotel. The other girl has to go home cuz she was from the hood and she "f%cked the bitch up" like she said she could. And she did it while never losing a nail - that i could see - and sister goddess even protected her own face. She was looking pretty good when she left and took her $200 blower dryer with her.