The 1st day of the rest of my life

today, Saturday October 4th is the 7th day of the rest of my life free of alcohol and the trouble and chaos that came with y drinking....

SHE has awakened

 there was a time, long before the men in long robes and pointy hats ruled

 a time of balance, a natural order respected 

there was time when we strived for harmony and justice,  fairness 

it was a  hard time, every one was needed or all would suffer, a time of struggle and growth and sacrifice

the world was growing

then the men in long robes and pointy hats decided that God was a man 

they erased as much history and destroyed as many cultures as they could

reaping the spoils of war while spreading their lie

but if God is a man then what of woman?

and with that, the men in long robes and pointy hats set out to subjugate the SHE

to shame and blame HER for all the evil in the world

to tame and silence the divine SHE  

to ignore the mother, the goddess, the half of ALL humanity

has it not been said that without dark, one cannot appreciate the light? where is

the yang to the ying? the good and whole to balance the wicked and broken?

the men in long robes and pointy hats think they have won -centuries of arrogance and audacity

SHE is not dead, SHE is not defeated... thought to be slumbering, SHE has been listening

SHE has grown weary and now HER TRUTH will be known...

HER daughters are many and feel HER presence, HER rage, HER power

and the time of men in long robes and pointy hats is coming to end

NO, its not Ginsberg's fault!

 Seriously, how far down the rabbit hole does one have to fall to GO BACK IN TIME AND BLAME A DEAD WOMAN  for today's court overturning Roe vs Wade???? Like she was able to SEE THE FUTURE????? WTF??? PLACE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS - (also how convenient to blame a dead person is can no longer defend themselves - pretty shitty me thinks)

1. CONGRESS -  after the leak, Congress could have and SHOULD have made a women's access to ALL MEDICAL CARE the law but they did NOT.

2. The electoral collage NEGATES ONE PERSON ONE VOTE allowing candidates who DID NOT win the popular vote be seated into office.. ie TRUMP (who then "stacked" the court)

3. not 1, not 2 not 3 BUT 4 JUSTICES lied and said they would uphold Roe vs Wade - they need to be IMPEACHED AND THEIR RULINGS DEEMED NULL AND VOID

BUT THE INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY IS STRONG with these women......

I just CANNOT!!1

I feel like I am in a BAD nightmare! AND the fact that we are not ALL RIOTING IN THE STREETS IS BEYOND ME!! Our rights are being TAKEN AWAY FROM EVERYONE!! WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!! On a personal note, to realize that one of the most important men in my life DOESN'T CARE THAT MY RIGHTS ARE BEING STRIPPED AWAY is most upsetting.... some one in my life REFUSES TO ACCEPT that women are being attacked, that women in this country ARE NOT TREATED AS EQUALS TO MEN!! I am so sick of those with DING-A-LINGS dictating to ME what I should or should NOT BE DOING!!! And I REFUSE TO SMILE FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT!!!

I don't care what you wear... and neither should anyone else

 I am soooo tired of the judgmental folks out there ... like things that don't affect them AT ALL but they still feel the NEED to not only judge someone (99% a WOMAN) for  their dress but also have the AUDACITY TO COMMENT... I don't give a flying fuck what you are wearing or NOT wearing - guess what - its not going to change your credit score, the APR on your cred card, your cholesterol level.... so why care???? A "male" presenting person wearing makeup and/or nail polish, DON'T CARE, skimpy, revealing clothing DON'T CARE... guess what? WE ARE ALL NAKED UNDER OUR CLOTHES. AND get your mind out of the gutter -    NUDITY IN AND OF ITSELF IS NOT SEXUAL... ITS JUST NUDITY.... It is not "naughty" or "sinful" ..... its just a body! We all have bodies!!! my daughter teases me "you won't care if people were walking around NAKED"... and she's right.... Cuz I have learned not to waste my time and energy on things that have NO EFFECT ON MY LIFE..... PLUS I know that I would not appreciate someone making assumptions about my self image, my sex life, my self "worth" based solely on my attire at that particular moment. YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THAT PERSON yet you feel so entitled to JUDGE ....... I just don't get it....

Men are human too

I saw my son cry today...I hugged him, asked him if there was anything I could do to help.. and then I just sat with him... I was sitting next to him; I was there for him. It was the end-of-the-year ceremony; we were in "public where people could see him";  he was sad that his time with his friends was coming to an end. I never said "stop crying", I never said "Men don't cry", I never said "Don't be a baby", I never said "Don't be a girl".... My son, almost 22 years old, cried today and I'm glad. Not happy that he felt sadness but glad that he could be HUMAN and cry... everyone deserves to cry and not be belittled, not be shamed, not be degraded for expressing themselves as PERSONS.... we need to let our men be HUMAN, raise them to be able to express themselves in other ways than VIOLENCE. Can we please stop this expectation that the only acceptable "masculine" emotions are anger and jealousy?  

This Body

 his look of disgust in silence spoke volumes

how dare i exist when i am not "pleasing" to his eye

he hates that I dare wear what I want regardless of my size, my age, the wear and tear of 

THIS BODY

which was never, ever made nor meant to be "pleasing" to him

THIS BODY

brought forth two wonderful, amazing and unique persons into  this world

THIS BODY

which he views with disdain and judgement

has climbed to the top of Enchanted Rock more than once

this body which he deems too fat, too old, too saggy

has climbed to the top of Ek Balam and enjoyed the view of the rainforest,

spanning as far as the eye could see

THIS BODY

has known heartbreak and illness and death and sorrow and still

THIS BODY

has known pleasure and ecstasy, pain and healing

Shame is something that I will never feel

Regret is unknown

THIS BODY

can give pleasure like he has never known and never will

THIS BODY

is mine and I will celebrate it as I choose, cover or uncover as I choose

THIS BODY

holds the soul of a warrior