And once again I find myself a single mom; perhaps I should've never married the second time . It seems as though we would've been better just dating , I mean we had so much fun together ! He was a high school boyfriend and I was his first love . He claimed to have always loved me - I thought he was everything my first was not - not overbearing, not demeaning , not controlling, not selfish, or immature but in the end he turned out to hurt me just the same . In the end it's just me and my children and of course my loyal dog Max . How could I have been so stupid to make the same mistakes again . I guess it is true that love is blind and dumb and deaf. And what they say about karma is true and that what goes around comes around . I was very mean to my first husband when we were getting a divorce and I did things just to hurt him. And now with the second separation my second husband is being mean to me , saying and doing things just to hurt me . And all the while I'm trying to be good , trying to be nice, above all trying to be fair , trying to be me . I hated that my emotions get the better of me sometimes , okay many times ! Especially when it comes to love . I am very busy now taking care of my son and trying to maintain a roof over our heads but deep down inside I miss him , I still love him. But at least this time I saw the warning signs and it didn't take me 20 years to get out of a bad marriage ! I did things I swore I would not do again like go against my beliefs or do things I was uncomfortable with, or even going as far as sometimes putting my children behind his needs and wants. What was I thinking !? My number one job is mom and I'll never forget that again . Oh I want to dance, I want to sing, I want to be loved and made love to but not at the cost of my soul, my spirit, nor my children . I am a crazy, singing off-key, recycling, tree hugging, moon worshipper, river loving, book reading, herb growing feminist who is proud of her Tejano roots; that pyscho bitch you never know what I'll do next but you always want me on your side kind of friend. And if that means I might not always get a date, so be it - THEIR loss!