If he doesn't ask, don't tell or how I manage

Never thought at my age, 58, I would be faced with this situation - the fine line between "honesty is the best policy" and "what they don't know, won't hurt them." 🤔

Thoughts on being forever single

he said those dreaded 3 words that i never wanted him to utter - I need you. WHAT?? NO!I don't want the man i am in love with to NEED me! I NEED him to WANT, LOVE, CHOOSE me!

SHE has awakened

 there was a time, long before the men in long robes and pointy hats ruled

 a time of balance, a natural order respected 

there was time when we strived for harmony and justice,  fairness 

it was a  hard time, every one was needed or all would suffer, a time of struggle and growth and sacrifice

the world was growing

then the men in long robes and pointy hats decided that God was a man 

they erased as much history and destroyed as many cultures as they could

reaping the spoils of war while spreading their lie

but if God is a man then what of woman?

and with that, the men in long robes and pointy hats set out to subjugate the SHE

to shame and blame HER for all the evil in the world

to tame and silence the divine SHE  

to ignore the mother, the goddess, the half of ALL humanity

has it not been said that without dark, one cannot appreciate the light? where is

the yang to the ying? the good and whole to balance the wicked and broken?

the men in long robes and pointy hats think they have won -centuries of arrogance and audacity

SHE is not dead, SHE is not defeated... thought to be slumbering, SHE has been listening

SHE has grown weary and now HER TRUTH will be known...

HER daughters are many and feel HER presence, HER rage, HER power

and the time of men in long robes and pointy hats is coming to end

NO, its not Ginsberg's fault!

 Seriously, how far down the rabbit hole does one have to fall to GO BACK IN TIME AND BLAME A DEAD WOMAN  for today's court overturning Roe vs Wade???? Like she was able to SEE THE FUTURE????? WTF??? PLACE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS - (also how convenient to blame a dead person is can no longer defend themselves - pretty shitty me thinks)

1. CONGRESS -  after the leak, Congress could have and SHOULD have made a women's access to ALL MEDICAL CARE the law but they did NOT.

2. The electoral collage NEGATES ONE PERSON ONE VOTE allowing candidates who DID NOT win the popular vote be seated into office.. ie TRUMP (who then "stacked" the court)

3. not 1, not 2 not 3 BUT 4 JUSTICES lied and said they would uphold Roe vs Wade - they need to be IMPEACHED AND THEIR RULINGS DEEMED NULL AND VOID

BUT THE INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY IS STRONG with these women......

I just CANNOT!!1

I feel like I am in a BAD nightmare! AND the fact that we are not ALL RIOTING IN THE STREETS IS BEYOND ME!! Our rights are being TAKEN AWAY FROM EVERYONE!! WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!! On a personal note, to realize that one of the most important men in my life DOESN'T CARE THAT MY RIGHTS ARE BEING STRIPPED AWAY is most upsetting.... some one in my life REFUSES TO ACCEPT that women are being attacked, that women in this country ARE NOT TREATED AS EQUALS TO MEN!! I am so sick of those with DING-A-LINGS dictating to ME what I should or should NOT BE DOING!!! And I REFUSE TO SMILE FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT!!!

I don't care what you wear... and neither should anyone else

 I am soooo tired of the judgmental folks out there ... like things that don't affect them AT ALL but they still feel the NEED to not only judge someone (99% a WOMAN) for  their dress but also have the AUDACITY TO COMMENT... I don't give a flying fuck what you are wearing or NOT wearing - guess what - its not going to change your credit score, the APR on your cred card, your cholesterol level.... so why care???? A "male" presenting person wearing makeup and/or nail polish, DON'T CARE, skimpy, revealing clothing DON'T CARE... guess what? WE ARE ALL NAKED UNDER OUR CLOTHES. AND get your mind out of the gutter -    NUDITY IN AND OF ITSELF IS NOT SEXUAL... ITS JUST NUDITY.... It is not "naughty" or "sinful" ..... its just a body! We all have bodies!!! my daughter teases me "you won't care if people were walking around NAKED"... and she's right.... Cuz I have learned not to waste my time and energy on things that have NO EFFECT ON MY LIFE..... PLUS I know that I would not appreciate someone making assumptions about my self image, my sex life, my self "worth" based solely on my attire at that particular moment. YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THAT PERSON yet you feel so entitled to JUDGE ....... I just don't get it....

Men are human too

I saw my son cry today...I hugged him, asked him if there was anything I could do to help.. and then I just sat with him... I was sitting next to him; I was there for him. It was the end-of-the-year ceremony; we were in "public where people could see him";  he was sad that his time with his friends was coming to an end. I never said "stop crying", I never said "Men don't cry", I never said "Don't be a baby", I never said "Don't be a girl".... My son, almost 22 years old, cried today and I'm glad. Not happy that he felt sadness but glad that he could be HUMAN and cry... everyone deserves to cry and not be belittled, not be shamed, not be degraded for expressing themselves as PERSONS.... we need to let our men be HUMAN, raise them to be able to express themselves in other ways than VIOLENCE. Can we please stop this expectation that the only acceptable "masculine" emotions are anger and jealousy?  

This Body

 his look of disgust in silence spoke volumes

how dare i exist when i am not "pleasing" to his eye

he hates that I dare wear what I want regardless of my size, my age, the wear and tear of 

THIS BODY

which was never, ever made nor meant to be "pleasing" to him

THIS BODY

brought forth two wonderful, amazing and unique persons into  this world

THIS BODY

which he views with disdain and judgement

has climbed to the top of Enchanted Rock more than once

this body which he deems too fat, too old, too saggy

has climbed to the top of Ek Balam and enjoyed the view of the rainforest,

spanning as far as the eye could see

THIS BODY

has known heartbreak and illness and death and sorrow and still

THIS BODY

has known pleasure and ecstasy, pain and healing

Shame is something that I will never feel

Regret is unknown

THIS BODY

can give pleasure like he has never known and never will

THIS BODY

is mine and I will celebrate it as I choose, cover or uncover as I choose

THIS BODY

holds the soul of a warrior

For all

full, yellow-white light bathes the land

bright enough to reveal what hides in the darkness

enough light to cast its own shadows...

Grandmother Moon, Dona Luna

she watches over us, guides us 

all are welcome

everyone in

cool, clear, clean water flows through the land

essential to life and strong enough to carry the memory

of a thousand years of time passed

we are washed, renewed in the waters

Sister River and La Sirena

protects us, nourishes us

all are family here

everyone in

the fox, the hare, the fish, the egrets and cranes

herons and salamanders, nutria and otter

just a few that make up the many

tied together by nature and blood

everyone in

the kiss

 You kissed me that first time we met

like I had never been kissed before

I felt chills run down my spine

a tingling across  my entire body

Time stood still and I knew my life would 

never be the same again

Seven months later, you kissed me

and it was just as new and exciting and thrilling as that

very   first   kiss.....

damn you!

I hope you never stop kissing me... and I hope to 

always feel it down to my very soul

Before...

 And before I could catch my heart,

I fell in love with you..

Before I realized how tightly you had me wrapped around your finger...

I fell in love with you...

Before I found out how little I really meant to you - 

how easily I could be replaced,

I fell in love with you....

Before I believed you could never love me, 

before I knew my love was in vain,

Before I could stop myself, 

I fell in love with you.....

Untitled.... cuz, its me! LOL

 your mouth has said you are done with love 

but your lips tell another story -

the way you cradle my face in your hands to kiss me, the way your tongue dances on mine,

the shiver that goes downs my spine every.....single....time you kiss me... its been over  year and I wait for your touch to become mundane but it never does

your voice says you misspoke - you didn't mean to say 'I love you' 

I know that sometimes 'I love you' sounds like "how are you? have  you eaten today? did you get home okay?"

and other times "I should have been there for you".. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

I drink you in -  your kiss, your touch, your smell...... I inhale you as I need to breathe oxygen

Your laugh,  your words, like food and air to me....

I never want this to end.... caught between day and night, like a fish in love with a bird.... where would they live? perhaps only in their dreams

My love is a 4 lettered word

 My love is a 4 lettered word

Hard, cold, soft, warm

My love is a 4 lettered word

Bold, kind, weak, mean

My love is a 5 lettered word 

Strong,  timid, faith, truth

My love is a 5 lettered word

loyal, saint, earth, storm

My love is not tender, it is a hurricane 

My love is not for the weak, it devours the unsure

My love you can never forget

Because... (i really hate having to title my stuff but otherwise I would have 500 poems titled "untitled") LOL

 I cried tears in vain....

because of HIM

I forgot my rules and ignored my advice....

because of HIM

I suffered heartache and pain....

because of HIM

I wrote bad poetry!

because of HIM

But he doesn't love me and so

I had to let him go....

because of ME

Dreams, an owl and death....

Not sure if its the moon, the stars, or both but some stuff has been going on with me - very, very vivid realistic dreams; the kind you wake up from and think its real, believe it to be memory... short, 10 to 15 second scenes that then play out during my waking hours...... announcements, information, revealed during slumber....

the owl...perched on the highest branch, the farthest tree top... I pointed it out to my daughter and in an instant,  the owl took flight... for many, the owl is the harbinger of death, a representation of the soul but for me and many others, the owl is  the symbol of the soul, of knowledge....

Found out today about the death of a young man from our community - I knew him from campus and from the poetry workshops at our public library... So young, such a loss.. perhaps the owl carried his soul

Untitled

the batting of eyelashes

a sly smile behind a curl

the twisting of a lovely strand of hair

a muffled laugh, a hushed giggle

a soft, quick touch of a hand on his arm

twinkle of eye, how is it done?

to entice and intrigue

never to challenge or correct

forever the damsel in distress - here comes the knight

in shining armor, upon a mighty stead

lessons taught but never learned

to hide not mind or strength

curiosity or capability

no damsel in distress to attract the hero -

should a knight come, perhaps to slay the dragon

the protector whose bad luck leads them to me

a witch - the foulest of titles

to dare to be a woman in need of no man

crown of branch and leaf, no gold here

my court held under the shade of the forest trees

a circle of sisters around a bonfire under a full moon

untitled (for now)

Know this and never
 forget
this is a goddess that kneels
 before you
offers her soul, her body,
                                      her love.
will you be honorable
                       and not shame her
                            will you accept and return her love?

or will you crush her love? her spirit, break her heart?
                  for even a goddess can
                                                         fall
                                                               in love
with the wonder that is
                                        a man

a man like you.....................

Ancient Woman

I began writing this during our trip to Big Bend in October 2018... I'm glad I finally finished it


I am an ancient woman
the blood that flows through my veins is like the rain
each drop a perpetual reincarnation of blood borne, blood shed.
I am an ancient woman
my bones fossils, eons of history etched in stone
one day to be found long after I draw my last breath.
I am an ancient woman
my skin is brown, baked by the Sun for centuries.
I am an ancient woman
ravines and valleys the scars and wrinkles of a life lived - sometimes hard,
other times a bit less hard.
I an ancient woman
my hair is the forest;  new growth and old - layers of colors from green to brown with hints of red as the leaves in fall.
I am an ancient woman
my Spring and summer have passed
the autumn descends upon me and the end is the only part left but to hate Winter I cannot.
I am an ancient woman
a healer
gazer of stars
starter of fires
conqueror of fears.
I am an ancient woman
my heart has beat for thousands of years - many times broken and healed over,
my thoughts are the sand grains on the beach
constant never ending, never fully contained
always lingering long after the trip to the shore is done.
I am an ancient woman.

I will not drown

"sugar melts but shit floats, you'll be fine in the rain" 
I was once told....
but I no longer fear drowning - 
let the skies open up and the rain come down on me 
                     for yes 
                                 sugar may melt 
                                            but 
                                                   gold 
                                                             sinks 
                                             
                                                                  and I have grown gills.

I Braid My Hair

I braid my hair
     to trap my sorrow so my
          heart is not burdened

I braid my hair
    to keep my fears from 
           drowning my courage

I braid my hair
    to keep my ignorance from
           shutting my eyes and ears to wisdom

I braid my hair
     to keep the actions of my enemies
           from tainting my soul

I braid my hair
      to hold my magick close
                and keep it bright from 
                                the darkness of this world...

I braid my hair
     as did my grandmothers
             long before the moon and sun were old

.... I braid my hair..........