2002 The Secretary

Ohh, my stars, I'm sure that there is some female psychology or social studies or anthropology student who used this movie as a basis for their thesis. There is a lot going on - mind blown. I'd seen bits and pieces of this. I have tried to watch this movie several times I couldn't get through the first couple of minutes, but I finally decided to see through and wow, there is a lot going on. And one of the quotes that gets me is this one Who is to say that love needs to be soft and gentle...

More beef with "the church"

It's crazy, that's not an idea that babies are born with sin. How could it be 4%? They haven't done anything, they're brand new soul going from the spiritual Ram into the physical realm, and you're telling me, they already have sin, they haven't done anything that is messed up, will I? Gave birth to my daughter. She was the most wonderful thing in the world, and the thought that she was bored with Sid, disgust me. Now, I did still, I didn't so much baptizer, because I thought she was a sinner, but I took her to the church and the holy water, and I blessed her, and it was just me. At our best mother there was no priest Cos. I don't really need a priest. Why don't you need a priest? That's that's another b******* about the church that I don't get anyway

Why can't I let things go!

I was very into the church growing up. I came from a very Catholic, very Mexican American heritage, and I just as an adult, I don't get it. Are I refused to get it? I was 18 or 19 years old. When I renounced my Catholicism and with that, I rejected the Christian God, the Christian God. Yeah, let's talk about it. This is a God who would deny babies. Babies entry into heaven unless they've been baptized before they died. What the f***? How is a baby responsible for what happened to him? And why does he have to be baptized? Anyway, oh yeah, because of this crazy notion that we are all born with sin. Why? Because eavesdened, she ate the apple, okay, again, Christian mythology. This is all a story that was made up by men to suppress and control women to take the power away from women, because for thousands of years before christ, every single culture, every single society around the world praised, worshipped, honored, respected, the divine feminine. She came in many forms

The Cave by Plato (YouTube clay animation)

Ohh, my stars, the cave suggested to me by dear friend, and i'm not sure exactly where I land I think he meant I was one of those prisoners who could not imagine anything outside what I saw. And I got that at the same time, sometimes I feel like that person who was freed, who went to see stuff & then came back and started to tell people, and they were all like, no, no, no

THE BIG 3 - want, love and need

Okay, so here is my take on this. The big 3I want you, I love you, I need you well as a woman. This woman I do not want to be needed. Okay, I want to be wanted. I need to be chosen. That's that's my thing. But for men, men need to feel needed in their in their system in their in their, I don't know part of their DNA. Maybe not? Maybe it's just society. And culture, but men have a deep need to be needed. They need to be needed. And they want to be loved, whereas women, we want to be wanted, we need to be chosen at least this one. And if you love me too great, and of course, XXXX is often said that he loves me. And he said that he wants me and you know, spice, the time, kind of waiting. But recently he said, I want you, I love you, I need you, and I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no. I don't, I don't. I don't want you to need me. That's that's an obligation. That's a responsibility that's I've had that in the past, I've had marriages where I was needed more than I was chosen. Needed more than I was loved needed more than I was taking care of and I guess I'm afraid of that. Yeah, and of course, it's all and my humble opinion

GREAT MOVIE LINES PT 1

TO BE EXPANDED ON! Brenda to Elise in the movie, the first wife's club - I say this to you with love, compassion, and in the spirit of true sisterhood, you are full of shit!

I'm not used to being loved

Just when I thought that I knew all the ways that I screwed up, I just realized that I am not used to be loved. I'm not used to being appreciated. I am not used to being thought of or are considered. It's really weird to crena, my boss. She owns vaska, working was out of the country when I first started working there. I was out in Thailand Japan. Some Islands all kinds of places for 6 months. And she recently came back and when she came back, she bought souvenirs, and she brought me souvenirs, and I was so take it abag. I was like, oh my God, I I'm just, you know, a part-time worker. I'm here on trial basis I've never even met you in person and you brought me a gift. You bought me a souvenir, and you know, it was tough that I'm sure monetarily wasn't that much, but the gesture just meant so much like she thought about me. She considered my feelings. You know, she's gonna bring Kylie. Something bad, because Kylie's been with her for 3 years now. I wasn't expecting anything. I never expect anything, and she did Rap for me. And now, it's, I'm beginning to realize why I have let these men shouldn't me. All this time because I went from being the center of the universe to damage goods to pay for crimes to think it on too much. Well those days were gone

I am tired RE: Oct 3 reading? possible prose to poem

I'm tired. I am tired like I have never known exhaustion before and I am a mother. I have lived on 4 and a 1/2 hours of sleep for YEARS!! I'm a mother and I know tired. So we don't a lunch break - we can’t pee in private for 15 years. We get no paid vacation, there are no calling in sick days. We get no time off - ever. My children are 26 and 30 years old I guess what? The worries, and the hope, and the prayers that I carried today at the very same as I carried at the moment I knew they were growing inside of me. I bwen up all hours of night, awoken with vomit to my bed, with fevers, with coughing & my baby not being able to breathe! I won't bore you with stories about midnight rides in the back of an EMS speeding to the children's hospital at Austin, I would bore you with the times my children were gone I didn't know where they were but I will say this, this what is happening today. Our neighbors being hunted. This I'm just tired of the police surveillance for b*******. Stuff while burderers, rapists have built into ears who suck. Our government dry are free to roam. No, not just free to roam free to Excel free to hold offices of power free to continue to gain wealth. I'm tired. I'm tired to my bones. The very core of me, my very fiber, I know that at some point that tired tank inside me is going to overflow, and it will dump directly into rate. Rage, for what has been done for a continues to be done to the innocent, to the youngest among us. Wake up everyone, wake up and feel tired with me. And then let's do something about it. You have been warned.

The Cradle

I remember the afternoon as if it were last week. My mother seated across from me at the table. The kitchen table with the afternoon Sun peaking in through the window. She sent my younger brother outside to play. We had been going through photos, cleaning through clatter, when I chanced upon a set of photos of my mother clearly pregnant, holding my hand as a toddler. This immediately confused me, my brother and I are almost 7 years apart. I was not a toddler when he was born. I remember the day that he came home from the hospital. I was confused, so I asked my mother about the pictures. She was smiling in the photo her hair up in curls like a crown upon her head. She had a bright yellow dress on and a prominent bulge right there out front, with a large, obnoxious white bow, accentuating her belly full of life. The photo had been taken outside with a table and balloons in the background. It seemed to be a festive time, and yet I was confused because I didn't remember any of this. And that's when she told me, when I was just under 2 years old, my mother became pregnant with her second child, a boy, he was born a month early, but he was already over 8 and a 1/ 2 pounds He was breached, and in those days. I suppose C sections werent so common.They try to turn the baby but basically my baby brother suffocated during the birthing process. My mother was then drugged, and basically she was in and out of consciousness for the next 3 to 5 days, my father was left alone to make funeral arrangements, to tell the family and friends, what had happened & select a tiny little coffin, purchase clothes. There was a funeral & a rosary. By the time my mother was allowed by the doctors to come out of her drug-induced stupor - my baby brother had been buried. e She denied that closure. She was not there at the funeral of her baby boy, herr first son! And yet when she spoke about it and she did lament the fact that she was not there to bury her son, that she was not there for the funeral, that there was no closure, BUT her biggest regret, her biggest sorrow was that she was not there to help my father that he, and he alone went through all of this, what a testament of love and devotion. his wife lay drugged in a hospital bed. It is truly tragic and I felt the tears well in my eyes - then I felt a horrible wave - a flood of guilt and shame rained down upon me for I often teased my brother, who was born when I was almost 7, I would always tease him about him being my favorite brother, that he was the fpavorite son, not knowing that he was the only son that survived. my baby brother's name. It's Joseph Alan and I remember sitting at the kitchen table. The afternoon sun peaking through the curtains. My mother telling the story was too calm. She never cried. She never shed a tear. Her voice never faltered, but there was a piece of paper in front of her, a piece of junk mail from rhe morning and a pen, and she was doodling. At first I really didn't pay attention, it was a common habit she had - to embellish whatever piece of paper or junk mail was laying around. At first it seemed like she was just repeating a bunch of circles. I was more enraptured, with the story being told. And at the end of our conversation, I looked at the piece of paper and she had doodled a baby carriage in blue that took up the entire page we of paper. She is the strongest woman I know. Mission: transform this essay/prose into a poem

A very rare find indeed - part one

I've had the best sex of my life in my 50s. I do not say that to exaggerate or to be controversial. It's just the truth and it's not that I hadn't been having sex since I was 18 or 19 years old. Nor is it because I hadn't had great sex before - its just that the best is happening now. A lot of it has to do with my mindset - for me, the biggest sex organ is my brain. My mind, and once I didn't give a f*** about what any one else said, once I didn't give a f*** about other people's judgment, once I dared to dwell into my deepest darkest, fantasies and desires; until I dared to look myself in the mirror and have the confidence in my body, in my skin and what it looks like, what imperfect shape it is in this very day - at that moment, the doors opened up and the explosions began.

"You go girl" movie list

So at times I am in the need to watch a "go get'em girl" kind of movie. When I am feeling discouraged & I need that "you go gurl" energy. Sometimes it's a coupled with rage. So, and no particular order - I bet you can guess the rage one, here's my list of "Go girl" movies. [Note: because its also one of my Top Sister Movies, Movies About Magic, and Fav Sandra Bullock Movies, Practical Maic is not listed but fits the category] 1. 1st Wife's Club 2. Legally Blonde 3. Kill Bill volume 1 and 2 4. Waiting to Exhale. 5. Birds of Prey or the Fantabulous Emacipation of One Harley Quinn 6. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 7. Erin Brockovich 8. Bless Me, Ultima HONORABLE MENTON: To Wong Foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar

You know who from Tue, Apr 21, 1:52 PM

He has always told me not to make a big deal out of anything. For example, if he talks about taking a trip in the future immediately will say something like, not that I'm planning anything. He's always made it clear that we don't have a relationship. He told me long time ago that he could never be in love with me that he didn't think he could be in love with anyone. But that he does love me. He's also told me again last June that I probably feel more for him than he does for me. However, the last 10 months have shown otherwise - he does care about me, a lot. AND it's not just about spicy time either or the things that I allow him to do to me. Eagerly fulfilling both of our fantasies, of course that is a topic for another story. This man says things to me that if anyone else said them any other man I would brush them off, I would know that they were only sweet-talking me. Their lies so transparent. But from him, I know he really feels that is the truth. His honesty. His integrity is part of his character. It's part of why I love him. It's part of what attracts me to him. What attracts many to him - Not just women, but men, children and animals, you know, their whole cheesy, meme about high energy people. That is him, The Mad Mexican. The Daddy to beat all others. He is one to command a presence without saying a word and that is true strength, that is the definition of a real man and its SEXY as fuck. Anyway, we've both talked about our past relationships - the drama, the trauma and what finally broke us. His big one was his divorce, his only marriage and not til his early 50s. It lasted less than 2 years. And it was the first time that he had actually given up his own apartment. All the other relationships he had always maintained his apartment. Because in his mind, if he wasn't getting married, it was only temporary but with the marriage he felt OK this is it - this is forever so he gave up his apartment, and then she kicked him out and he had nowhere to go, and he still recovering from that financially, mentally emotionally, I believe. But what he said was, and this is how he said it, "even when I have been in relationships in the, even monogamous relationships, like with you, I always had my own apartment. Oh my stars - he said it. He said not only the R word -relationship- he said monogamous relationship too!

Our story Pt 1

Friends with benefits Situationship Monogamous relationship to be expanded

Freedom & mistakes

I'd started reading a book called in problem of Magic for Senegal, which is it was referred to me by one of my regular Uber drivers. And I immediately found it online for like 5 or $6 in X library copy, and I started reading it today, and it set up with the tarot card. Starting with the major icona, and I'm in the high priestess. Section of it and the main character, eleanor it speaks a line that just really, really resonates with me right now.I don't want the freedom to make a mistake. Under my stars, I think that has been my issue with this new job at splash, and I need to get over it. I do have the freedom to make mistakes. And that's kind of scary, and so I need to get over that fear and just not make mistakes. I've already messed up twice, and Corina has forgiven me and actually been promoted from just the generic splash team to develop ment specialist. We'll see exactly that entails I know I need to bring more call. I Intel, in that means I need to know our price point I need to know our procedures. I need that downpack, the codes, the Post Office boxes, the Wi-Fi. The password, adding membership fees, deleting membership fees. Putting credits on their account. That's a lot a lot. I still need to learn. I thought about applying for a job at the library. Come on the library. However, the new library director some magalady, doesn't even live in the area. She's from huddo, and she's really giving Carter a hard time, so she probably doesn't like Carter. RE D and those would be my 2 references. Anyway I may still apply for it. I've got to August 7th. Google see what happens, but I'm really glad that I'm out here. Drinking my coffee, reading contempting things and best of all, not drinking.

the lightbulb was slow to turn on

I recently saw my parents after long absence, and I'm not really sure, I don't remember what brought this up but we started talking about how smart and dumb members of the family were. And one thing my parents said, oh well, you're you very smart, you always have been - you just don't know how to use it. BOOM! mind explosion. That really struck a chord in me, and so I'm thinking about that. Bottom line - it's great to have parents who believe with you.

Pop and the Spurs

Okay, hear me out. The Spurs are more than just a basketball team. They are a cultural institution. Papa Vic has cultivated a family. He has cultivated a mentorship program. He brings in these players. They're really, really young, some of them are from out of the out of the country. And he provides for them, a structure and training and discipline and family, and a lot of these players have stayed in the area. They have built schools. They have contributed to libraries, they have built their homes here. They are raising their families here and they are in constant contact with Papa Fitch and the new coach and the new players on the team. I don't know if this is normal. For other teams, I think this is something that needs to be looked into.To research, I think it would be a great book idea.And what comes to mind is the book that donut potassik did about the dallas cowboys, not just being a football team, but as a societal cultural familial institution.And I think that we have enough history and we have enough awesomeness that it's time it's time for somebody to write a book.And I don't know, maybe i'm that person

I just needed a mother

Well once again Mother, you proved that you are of no use to me in my adult life. I confided in you with my hardships with my struggles, and what is your response? Ignore everything that I'm going through, ignore my suffering & my struggles and start blaming everything on illegals. Immigrants like what the f***? I have a 100 problems, but immigrants are none of them. I really wish my parents would stop being sheep. Would stop believing the lies of the MAGA

Dance choreographed by devotion & love

Couple dancing barefoot in the grass, in perfect rhythm- each anticipating the other's next move (to be expanded)

Best portrayal of motherhood in a movie

Still magnolius, Sally Field es blend. She is phenomenal not just as an actress but in the life that she puts into that role. The movie stopped ignoring us is based out of novel based on a true story. The author is a bad who captures beautifully. The essence of what it is to be a mother of what it is to be a woman. But it is grieved for the death of her daughter, and yet she still has to keep it together. She is still head of that household. She is still the manager. She's still has to tell all of those boys. Her husband and her son and her son-in-law, what's going forward. And she walks out of that room after Shelby dies, and she goes straight to her husband and she tells it what funeral. Hope that he needs to contact because the nicest and then she turns and she tells her sudden law, you need to get that suit the wont. The cherry are the lapel and then she asked about her grandson and she goes to him. The next powerful, most powerful sea is that the growth site and she is there morty, the loss of her daughter, and the other character is like, hey, but she's in a better place.She's with god.You should be happy dot dot dot and balloon is like, well you know what?I thank you for saying all those nice things.But the bottom line is no I would want my child here with me.And at any other scenario where god is okay with taken my child, I do not accepth

Personal post - one of my favorite things "R" rated

I give the very best HEAD in all the world and you know why? Because, 1. I thoroughly enjoy it - its one of my favorite things. 2. I don't just put it in my mouth and suck. Oh, no, no, no - first I crave it, lick it - I adore it, I worship it! I make love to the man and all of his bits that are attached...oooh and so far, never gotten any complaints. In fact, Daddy keeps coming [cuming] back for more 😎👍😋

Journal entry #345 "baby I don't wanna know"

Ohh, my stars, I get it now. to be continued

I PRAY I AM WORTHY

i don't know why I'm broken well. Okay, maybe we can get into that. But that's another topic. What I want to say now is that rhyme. So grateful, this meant low speed. He has patience that he knows that it's be and on him. He doesn't take it personally and again. He continues to come back time and time again. And I know that there's gonna be a time. I'm gonna pull some s***, and it's gonna be the last straw. I actually got my s***, I had to realize that I'd worthy of love that he loves me. Have we looked at a label? We don't need to splash from the internet.What is real is real

If he doesn't ask, don't tell or how I manage

Never thought at my age, 58, I would be faced with this situation - the fine line between "honesty is the best policy" and "what they don't know, won't hurt them." 🤔

Thoughts on being forever single

he said those dreaded 3 words that i never wanted him to utter - I need you. WHAT?? NO!I don't want the man i am in love with to NEED me! I NEED him to WANT, LOVE, CHOOSE me!