I LOVE my dogs too

Its just me, venting again.... this particular pet peeve of mine comes up more and more. Here it is - I cringe every time I hear childless couples claim that their cat, dog, bird, etc "is just like my child"... some how I find that very offensive.... Are you REALLY comparing being a pet owner to the demands of being a parent to a child? I am a Mom to humans and I gave birth to them, they carry my DNA, they are the same SPECIES as me. Yes, my dogs are part of the family, yes I love my dogs, yes, I care for them, worry about them and do all I can to insure their social, emotional and physical well-being but they are NOT children. And putting clothes on Fido or throwing a birthday party for Snowball does NOT make them "your child". Just saying....

My must see list for all the ladies

ok so some of my favorite movies are "The Wizard of Oz" and "Steel Magnolias"- happy, sad, magical and wonderful (HEAVY SIGH) kinds of films. But due to my experiences of being in a marriage that was not working and the obstacles I faced trying to get out of that relationship, I realized that I was not at all prepared to STAND UP FOR MYSELF, either physically, emotionally or mentally.  Its funny how I always thought I was a strong, smart woman only to find out how in the dark I had been kept.

 This is a list that I believe truly helped me during that very difficult and scary time; its something that I want to share, something that I believe might help others.Or, just something I HAVE TO GET OFF MY MIND.  I just believe all women should watch these. Why? Because they depict women overcoming huge and very different obstacles... at the hands of the man they love and who have hurt them. Extreme as these cases may be, I was really inspired by these films. There is such a thing as mental and emotional abuse.... there were times that I felt as though things would have been easier to explain if I had a black eye or broken arm but that is neither here nor there. And with so many of  us that don't think we deserve happiness, WE DO... my biggest challenge?  sometimes it meant  having to overcome my biggest enemy - my very SELF.

1.  Kill Bill vol 1 and 2  - ok, this is one of those extreme ones; I mean really, how many of us part of an elite, deadly trained assassination team? Maybe this DOES speak to you more than to others, I don't know. And I don't think that murder is way to solve your problems, however she really had no choice but kill or be killed. As with all the Quentin Tarantino films I have seen, its very violent but BEEP, played by Uma Thurman, is a woman, a mother out to find the daughter taken from her while she lay in a coma after being beat and then shot in the head by her man Bill. She is driven and unrelenting in exacting her revenge.

2. Enough -  this is one of those many movies that I had seen the end of many times but just recently saw the entire film. Starring Jennifer Lopez as a victim of an abusive and possessive husband, she is fighting to leave and he is determined that if he cannot "have her, no one will"... For SLIM, she is one of the lucky ones who has support and finds ways to outsmart her conniving, well-connected and very rich husband... unfortunately, he gets whacked in the end too. But as in many domestic violence relationships, we know all too well by the news that the majority of these women who are told the same thing ARE MURDERED by their husbands and boyfriends (present or EXes). Again, a woman, a mother, whose life is dedicated to saving herself and her precious child.The critics tore it up and the outcome while possible, not very plausible, it asks some very hard questions about the cycle of abuse, the hopelessness of the situation but in the end, I found myself cheering her on.

3. Fight Club - okay so this one may not seem to fit the category..... after I watched this film, I had some serious questions about not only the movie but the whole concept of mental health, delusions, and insanity as well. To be a "Marla" or not to be? It is based on the novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk and presents the idea of physical fighting as a form of therapy for men - primal and dark, it is a "coming of age" film as the unnamed narrator (Edward Norton)  realizes he has done everything that our consumer goods society has told would make him happy and yet, he finds no joy in his life at all. In comes TYLER played by Brad Pitt who is the founder of Fight Club and the mastermind of Project Mayhem. In the end it is revealed that the narrator and Tyler are the same person. Facing our internal demons as well as separating what the "media" tells us would make us happy and complete from our true inner happiness is a biggie. The themes of hunters in a consumer society, the human's evolutionary instinct to fight that must now be suppressed, and the mental breakdown of our sick, sick minds is for me, a must see. 

4. Hope Floats - ok, well after so much violence, here is one starring my all time fav actor Sandra Bullock who plays BIRDIEE, a woman who thinks she is getting a makeover only to be bombarded with the news that her husband is having an affair with her friend. Her life destroyed publicly by the televised reveal,  she takes her daughter back home to her mother's. Themes here are a bit more universal - she had left a small hometown where she never felt she belonged and now must, with her tail tucked between her legs, "come back home". Of course, we all know you can NEVER go back home - you grow, you change, town changes, people grow old and die, etc. In addition to the mother/daughter issues presented in this film, Birdiee must  deal with her own inner demons, including depression and resentment towards her mother. Somehow she must  find the strength to move on when all she wants to do is stay in her pj's and sleep all day, every day. Harry Connick Jr plays the old friend who becomes the "new" romance in her life. It also stars Geena Rowlands and was directed by Forest Whitaker.

5. Practical Magic
This is one of my all time favorite movies; its the one I watch when I'm sick at home or at home depressed - it picks me up and takes me back to an innocent time when first believed in magic, in Santa  Claus... etc
There's many themes in this one, based on a book by Alice Hoffman, same title, including the sister bond, the role of our family/genes in what we become, and of course, in the end-all, best-est of all magic, LOVE. The other thing I love about this movie are the Aunts and I think "brownies for breakfast" is awesome. This is the movie that helped me put in check the horrible hate and cynical feelings that ruled me after my separation. Along with "Nacho Libre" and "Interview with a Vampire", its my cuddled with tissues, Tylenol and Vicks on the couch keep me from shooting myself kind of movie.... IMHO :)

Christmas .... Texas style

Yes, things are bigger in Texas, and the holidays are warmer and less snow-y than others in the country and you'll find brisket and tamales along with the holiday turkey and ham. In true Texas style, yesterday we were running the A/C and wearing shorts; tonight's low will be in the upper 20's and I'll be bringing in Max and covering my begonias :)..... I won't have it any other way!
 The cedar post fence in the front is decorated with lights and garland and our cowboy sports a Santa hat. My jolly "old man" has his camo hat to boot (sorry, no pun intended LOL).  Where ever you are, I wish you the best this holiday season - peace and joy and love.

why I love a Charlie Brown Christmas tree

I love having a real tree for the holidays! I know, I know, it can be a hassle - driving around searching for just the right tree; not too tall, not too expensive, etc etc. needles on the carpet, ruining your vacuum cleaner....but for me, ALL WORTH IT.
I remember watching the Charlie Brown Christmas year after year and each and every time, my eyes tear up; never fails. Along with How the Grinch Stole Christmas, they represent for me my childhood and the rejection of the materalization
In addition to a real tree, I am proud to announce that no two ornaments on the tree are alike - I've never had a store window perfectly matched ornaments/ribbons and I hope I never do. The ornaments are a timeline, a scrape book of our lives -  each one was a gift or was made or bought with a specific person in mind. We have classics like Rudolph hanging next to newcomers like Spongebob Square Pants and Dora the Explorer. Yes, I have a gold-painted-macaroni picture frame with Elora's picture from the 1st grade and a painted popsicle frame with Watson and Santa from 2005. I will hang them every year........

when Mommy is happy

Being a good parent is an all consuming occupation especially with the little ones whom you must watch every waking minute. Its a job with no pay or sick leave but it does get easier.... for a while then the teenage years hit and well, you're basically back to having to watch them every waking minute LOL Making time for yourself, and just as important, date time with your man, is a difficult task. But do not despair, things will ease up and a full night's sleep or a relaxing bubble bath will not just be a dream. I see many mothers that are so eager to have a break from their little ones and while I empathize, I also want to remind them that these years go by quickly and the babies grow so fast that it is a shame not to enjoy and appreciate what precious time we have with them...... SIGH, I wish I could find babysitters for all of them, for at least a little ME time because everyone knows that if Mommy is happy, the whole house is happy too!

a week of "FIRST"

Remember the good ol' days of Sesame Street and those characters we loved, you know like KERMIT the FROG? Well quite by accident the theme of my work space at my new job is FROGS. Its the first time I  have really had a "theme" but turns out that this week was full of FIRSTS :)

It was the FIRST time that I was not able to take my children to school and pick them up on the first day of school- in fact, I  had to leave so early for my first day of "school" that I didn't even take their picture. I'm kind of bummed about that since it was their first first day of school in San Antonio (January really didn't count as the school  year was half way finished).

I put up my FIRST bulletin board - whoo hoo! Equiped with helpful numbers and a list of teachers and aides - as I am still learning who everyone is.

My FIRST head lice inspection - one of the many joys of dealing with 3 and 4  year olds.

and finally, the funnest of my FIRSTs, the laminator! For now on, I will be encapuslating everything.

Survived my first week of Head Start as a new Parent Advocate.... looking forward to our FIRST holiday, Monday is Labor Day and I'm going to enjoy my three day weekend!

letting go.... "NO" yells the C.F. inside me

I worry - a lot, about all kinds of things from the most mundane (well to others they are mundane but to me, well its something important enough to use my precious energy on) to important stuff like the future of my children. I am SOOO not that little prayer, you know the one, the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, well those are MOST of all I worry about; of course things I can or could change I don't worry about because I can CHANGE THEM.  Having faith all will work out is NOT within my paradigm, not my point of view. I know its because of my underlying fault, the ugly monster living inside me, THE CONTROL FREAK. The problem with the demons that live inside of us is that they do not appear when we look into the mirror; its not like having a bad hair day - you look in the mirror and BAM there it is, right in front of your eyes, bad hair day. You know now its a bad hair day, you can now plan accordingly and NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT it anymore - in my case, I put my hair up and out the door I go. But the other thing, well  ............ I do believe killing vampires or surviving the zombie apocalyse would be easier than squashing the C.F. demon within. You'll hear about it if I ever win that battle.